By BHAVNA BHATIA, ’13

When: May 31st at 6:00 p.m. EST
Why: All my friends have dates, so I can’t go alone.
Must:
– Be a full-fledged, living, breathing male.
– Look like Channing Tatum. (I know, it’s a stretch.)
– Be 4.39 inches taller than me (when I’m in heels).
– Have dreamy eyes.
– Be on the E-Board of at least one club.
– Or be the star athlete of at least one sports team.
– Treat me to an elegant dinner worth your life’s allowance (read: Taco Bell).
– Have your own car. (But don’t even think of driving me to prom yourself. I expect a limo.)
– Own the dance floor. (If you don’t know how, keep watching Youtube videos until you do.)
– Twerk. (Refer to the previous requirement.)
– Gain favor with my parents. (This is where most potential candidates have let me down. May the force be with you.)
– Wear a bow tie matching my dress.
– Pay for my ticket (as well as your own).
– Make my ex-boyfriend jealous.

Reward:
– A pleasant evening with a charming girl.
– What more can you ask for?

Please contact me via electronic mail or Facebook if interested.

—

When: Sometime in late May.
Why: I need someone to drive me home.
Must:
– Be a girl who is willing to go with a guy who is none of the above.
Reward:
– My endless gratitude.

Call me maybe.