How Summer Really Went


What You Said Happened:

Your parents paid you to babysit your little brother. Meanwhile, you left him at home to go hang out with some friends at the mall.
You climbed a mountain with your distant cousin from Colorado. While the two of you were scaling a cliff, your cousin slipped and almost died. You caught him at the last second, even though it left you wounded.
You went to Miami for a week and got a hot tan. You took a photo and captioned it, “Chillin’ at the beach. It’s beautiful here in Florida! #sunshine.”
You went to Milan over the summer and stocked up on the latest styles. You couldn’t believe that the models were wearing floral sweatpants and pink camouflage skorts, but hey, it’s fashion.
You visited Ecuador and got stung by a mysterious bug that was previously unknown to science. The bite could have been deadly, but somehow you managed to survive.
You threw an epic party and invited people from other high schools. You posted an eight-second video on Facebook with a shaky camera and obnoxiously loud music in a pitch black room.
You stayed at a gorgeous hotel during a road trip through the countryside with your best friends.
You took selfies while drinking pina coladas and Shirley Temples. Then you posted a picture of your second cousin and captioned it, “The sweetest waiter in the world!”
You lost your phone on a whitewater rafting excursion out west. The replacement you have right now is temporary until you get the iPhone 5S.
You went to Paris over the summer and got the trendiest new haircut. The stylist gave you a modern look with a lot of “choppy layers.”
You beat up a group of thugs while vacationing in Aruba. They stole a young girl’s purse and you just had to help out. Unfortunately, you broke your leg while executing a vicious roundhouse kick. As for the thugs… well, let’s just say that they’re not getting out of the hospital anytime soon.

What Really Happened:

You got stuck babysitting your younger brother and his lame friends on a Saturday night while your parents went out to watch a movie.
You fell off your bike and slid across the pavement. You were left with a nasty scrape on your left knee.
You couldn’t go to the beach and tried tanning in your backyard instead. You ended up walking to the drugstore to buy spray tan, which ruined nearly all of your nice clothes with ugly orange stains.
The only new clothes you got over the summer were the ones your mother thought were “absolutely adorable!”
You went outside for two seconds and got stung by a bee.
Your parents left the house empty for a weekend. You heated up some pizza and thought about inviting your neighbor over but decided to eat it by yourself and scroll through Tumblr posts instead.
The closest thing to a fancy hotel that you stayed at was your grandma’s condo. Her fridge was stocked with prune juice and seltzer.
You got your phone taken away after you crossed your texting limit…again.
Your little brother decided to give you a haircut while you were sleeping on the couch.
You tripped up the stairs and sprained your ankle while trying to balance three plates of food for yourself.

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